Hi I'm Ryan and this is my Introduction
Hi I’m Ryan, and I’m a computer science major. I guess you could say I’m in school to prepare for my second career. My first career was as a ballet dancer, and it was my dream job. I wanted to dance before I could walk, so about as soon as I could talk I started trying to convince my parents to sign me up for dance lessons. They finally agreed when I was eight years old, and after that I never stopped taking classes until I gave my last performance as a professional ballet dancer nearly two and a half years ago. Dance and ballet in particular has been one of the most important forces that has shaped my life, so I decided to share some of the story of my career in ballet. Image Source: pxhere From when I started taking ballet class at eight through middle school, I took class for fun and didn’t take it very seriously or consider pursuing professional career in dance until I started high school. In high school I started to have class and rehearsal six days a week, and the level
Hey Ryan!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I really like how your website is set up. I love the style of the website and the heading photo you have on the home page. Also, I really like the title of the project "Mealtime Stories". Overall the layout and functionality of the website is excellent!
Your first story is really good as well! I also did a rewrite of 'The Cunning Crane and the Crab'. This story is a really great story and has an excellent moral to it. I like how you changed the ending to where the strange fish explained that the crane is getting plump. That is really creative and adds a little twist to the end. I wonder how the story would change if you made the strange fish go into more detail about how the crane ate the other fish. You could also maybe add a part about how the crab is sad to hear about all the fish dying. What if you completely changed the ending and the crab goes out of the water and fights the crab? That could also add a comical aspect to a tragic story.
Overall, your story and website are excellent and I am looking forward to seeing the rest of your project!
Hi Ryan! I like how you are giving your portfolio a theme. The title "Mealtime Stories" is very clever. It will be interesting to see how you bring a twist on some of these stories. I also like the simplicity of your website. It allows for the focus to primarily be on the story. Your story is great! I like how you added so much detail. I also like how you kept the original storyline, giving it a twist at the end. I feel like this twist at the end could easily lead to a second story, where maybe the crab and the fish in the big pond join together to defeat the selfish crane. What if you elaborate on the idea of the new fish from the big pond? Does he know anything about the crane? Have there been other fish from other puddles that this has happened to? You did a great job with the detail of this story. Overall awesome story and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan! Wow! That a really nice story, you wrote thereof "The Cunning Crane and the Crab." and it was really interesting. I like your story because I also wrote my first story on this same tale from Jataka. I really like how there are still some fish that stayed behind with carb and were strong-willed enough to not change the pond they lived in and it was the right decision but in the original version, all the fish died. I also liked where you made the crab walk to the lake at the end of the story and find out the truth of the evil crane. I wonder if no fish believed the evil crane? What would the story be like and how the crane would try to catch the fish if no fish believed him. What if there was a poisonous fish in the pond but the crane didn't know of that fish.
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan, your project is looking very nice! I really like the picture of the birds. I'm not sure why I didn't catch this when I read the original story for this, but why did the crane need to try to trick the fish? Why didn't he just gobble them up right then? It would be really interesting if you could come up with a reason for this. I love that you had the crab stand up and give his opinion before all of the fish were gone and dead like in the original. And the way you had him go check out the other pond was genius. It's so simple, but I never thought about the fact that he could. There were a couple places I noticed needed commas, so you might give it another read-through. For example, "With that, the brave old fish…" and "When the old fish was done, the other fish…" Very nice job so far though!
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan!
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you focused on the desperation of the fish leading them to their deaths at the hands (wings? talons?) of the crane. That's just an interesting way to focus the story, not on the deceit of the crane, or the fish being foolish, but of the fish being aware of the danger and going against their better judgement, hoping that the crane was being truthful.
Overall the writing was really good, but the pacing of some of the sentences seems a bit off, there are some places where some sentences could really use breaking and others where two sentences could be combined. All in all, it doesn't detract that much from the story, just giving some feedback on how to make it flow better.
Lastly, I like the color scheme you have going on with your site. It's just enough to pop out to the reader, but not too much. It doesn't get in the way of the reader, but it's also not just glaring black and white.
Hi Ryan! I really like the portfolio you are choosing to do about meal prep and the Jataka Tales. I was thinking about doing something with the Jataka tales as well, but now I am deciding to do stories exclusively from the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. One thing that really stood out to me in your stories were the use of the animals and how that related to other people in real life. I love that it connects with the current generation as to why such tales and fables are still relevant even in a western society. Perhaps one thing that could be cool is if you added in the author’s notes why you chose to do the Jataka tales as opposed to any of the other stories we read. Furthermore, I think that having a description in the introduction might help other people understand what your portfolio is going to be about! Anyways thanks for sharing Ryan!
ReplyDeleteHi, Ryan! I really enjoyed reading this retelling! To begin, I love all of the imagery you added in. The original story is not very descriptive and you did a great job of expanding. Second, I love that you made the crane even more unlikeable by explaining that he had plenty of food, but still chose to torment the fish. I also really like the spin you put on the ending. Rather than blatantly saying that the crane had been eating the fish, we gain this knowledge from a simple fact from an outside character. What if you added in a section that displayed the interaction between the crab and the crane? I also wonder what would happen if we got to see what the small pond fish would do in reaction to the knowledge of the cranes actions. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your first story in your portfolio. I am actually in the Myth and Folklore class so it was nice to read something new that I hadn't before! You did a very good job at describing the two pools and the fish. However, your first sentence was a little hard to follow- would you consider ending you sentence after saying "There were once two ponds" and then go on to say "One beautiful..." instead of having the "or rather" phrase? I think it would start your story out a little stronger and make it more effective to the reader. The rest of your writing was beautiful though! I like how you twisted the end of the story by not directly telling us that the crane had been eating the fish but eluding to it by telling us he had been looking a little plump. It was witty way to end the story! Great work!
Hi there, Ryan!
ReplyDeleteTo start out, I would like to compliment the design of your blog. I love that you have different pictures throughout and how you tie them all together. It adds to the amazing imagery you include in your stories and sets the mood for your reader before diving into reading. I am also very impressed with the unique theme you brought out of each story. I am sure you are having lots of fun relating everything back to foods!
In your story Agni's Desperate Hunger, I really like that you had a timeline. Instead f just saying he worked for a long time, you placed a concrete time frame of 3 years to show just how important this was to him. This in addition to the descriptive words you used, such as radiance, added lots of depth to your story that really drew me in.
Thank you so much for sharing! I look forward to continue re-visiting your project as you develop more and more stories!
Hi Ryan. Your banner looks great, but it makes me hungry. The link to your comment wall is useful, well done. Your setup is a little different then the other storybook and portfolios. Normally the stories and introduction would be in the top right corner. They way you have it is just fine and still works well. The pictures you have chosen works extremely well with your stories. “Agni's Desperate Hunger” in particular, the flame just adds a great touch to the story, even before reading it. After reading your stories your home page banner works even better because it made me hungry. I am really enjoying you relating all your story back to one theme. Having a general theme really allows you to be creative with your stories and how you tell them. Your stories look great. I look forward to your future writings and wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you Ryan. I really liked your home page, the picture goes well with the name of your page! Your stories were really fun top read. I enjoyed that you managed to put such a unique spin on your stories, they were so creative and I liked that. I really wanted to point out your story titles. They are both really creative and I like how much you can add to the story with something as simple as a creative title. I wish you good luck with the rest of the semester and look forward to getting to read more from you.
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan! I really like your background image on your home page. It does a good job of setting the style and backdrop to your stories. I do think it would be nice for you to add a description of your stories on your home page so your readers can be drawn in and immediately interested in what your stories have to say. I also like that you have links to your stories on your home page and in the top bar menu which makes it easier to navigate. I like your crane pictures in the background of your first story. It shows a vibrant antagonist for the story you are telling. I really like how you breakup dialogue in your story. It helps with readability and makes the back and forth nature of the conversations more understandable. Overall great job and I look forward to seeing what you write in the future.
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI am from the Myth-Folklore class, and I had the pleasure of reading your story at random. I like your blog layout, it is unique compared to a vast majority of the ones I’ve seen. I also like that you have the overall theme of food for your portfolio. I read both of your stories, and I think they’re great! I really enjoyed the second story about the shallow pool full of fish. I figured the crane would be actually trying to eat the fish, but what I was a little unsure about was why the crane didn’t just eat them straight out of the pool. Maybe I was overestimating how shallow the pool was, but I definitely thought the crane could have just dipped his beak in at any time and get some fish. I enjoyed the crab character who definitely knew what was going on the whole time. I feel bad for the fish who were taken and eaten, especially since I sympathize with being tired and wanting a rest. But without that I guess we wouldn’t really have a moral for the story, haha! Overall the story was well-written and I really enjoyed reading it! Great job.
Hi Ryan!
ReplyDeleteI really like the name of your project website Stories from a Shared Table: Mealtime Stories because everybody loves a hearing a good story shared at the dinner table. Since these stories in your portfolio are all about food, it was a fun play on words and was really cool idea for the title!
I like your first story "Arjuna's Fears", but would you consider moving the graphic toward the top of the page or even just above your author's note? I think pictures are a great addition to stories and a picture can sometimes be a good way to grab the reader's attention and help them stay focused on the story.
One small thing is that you may have overlooked is that the link to Arjuna's Fears is not on your Homepage. I noticed that on your Homepage under "Stories" you have a bulleted list of your stories in your portfolio and the links to each one of them, so just make sure you add a link here to your story, Arjuna's Fears, to keep your homepage consistent. This is just a suggestion, but it is by no means an edit of extreme importance.
Hello, Ryan!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time on your portfolio, and I really like the title of it! It makes me feel like I can grab a snack and sit down and read your stories with ease, and after reading your second story I realize that your stories are all food related so I love it! In your first story, you have great dialogue between your characters, which can be difficult for some people to do. I particularly liked that you used "bellowed" instead of the usual "he said, she said" to describe someone talking. I have difficulties trying to think of different ways to say "said" and you gave me some ideas for my own portfolio stories! Agni's Desperate Hunger was great because you left a cliff hanger (hangry?) and it made me want to read more. Adam's Fears was probably my favorite story of yours. It had no dialogue, but your words still made me feel connected to Adam. I also loved the life lesson or self examination that you tied into the story. I based half of my portfolio on life lessons! I look forward to reading more of your work within the final weeks of the semester!
Hi Ryan! For starters, the title of your Portfolio is intriguing and unique which I believe draws people in. The layout is simple and clean, but I like how you incorporated the colorful and vibrant image of a hectic dining table into the Home page. I enjoyed your rendition of the "The Cunning Crane and the Crab," especially how you mixed up the ending of the tale. You did not have the crane die which was different and you almost ended on a cliff hanger making readers wondering what the crab will do next. The story "Agni's Desperate Hunger" was an extremely descriptive story and I could imagine what was going on as I read it. I believe the phrase "...but in my current state ... I have no choice ... I have to try" set the tone and central focus of the story. I think we all have something to learn from "Adam's Fears!" We all experience pain, fear, and anxiety, and your story allows us an insight on how we can approach said emotions. This story definitely fulfills the purpose you had for it, so great job. Overall, you have created three wonderful stories - keep up the great work, Ryan!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI really think your portfolio's theme is really clean and the design is easy to follow. I think the images you used for your stories fit really well with the stories themselves. My favorite story was the one with Agni, as he is one of my favorite gods within the Pantheon. I loved the descriptive language you used. I loved all of the stories, really well written.
Hey, Ryan, I really like the look of your site. The layout and design work really well and help with the flow of your project. The images you've chosen to accompany your stories also work really well. They complement the subjects of the stories perfectly. I really don't have much to say writing wise because the writing is very good. I would suggest, however, taking the time to read your stories out loud to catch any awkward phrasing or super long sentences. Some of your sentences are quite lengthy and reading out loud would allow you to notice them by paying attention to how many times you have to pause in one sentence. I bet, that some of your sentences would be a mouthful to read out loud. It could just be your writing style which is cool but it is just something to think about. I would also consider adding some sort of other media to your site to give it more depth. YouTube has great sound effects that you can embed and I think a cool roaring fire effect would add a new dimension to "Agni's Desperate HUnger." Anyway, well done!
ReplyDeleteHi, Ryan! I like that your cover photo correlates to your theme of food/meals/tables! In your story “A Deep Lake and a Shallow Pool,” I really like that you have chosen to give backstory on the different locations as well as character qualities to the crane! This allows up to have a larger glimpse into the world that your story is set in. It is also so fun that you used alliteration with “perilous, paltry puddle” and “live, life and leisure.” I can almost hear the crane saying it and trying to seem sympathetic. Your use of dialogue is very engaging and much more informative than just stating the events. Also, I appreciate your diverse choices in language. This keeps the story intriguing and non-repetitive. I do not have many complaints suggestion for your story. Keep up the good work! I can’t wait to read more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan! Your sight is super simple, minimalistic style and I really enjoy the aestetic of it! You definitely are very well-organized in the way you set it up and continued to blog throughout the semester. I enjoyed browsing through your stories! The first one that really stuck out to my that I enjoyed reading was the Agni, god of Pantheon. You really characterized him well and I actually knew a little bit about him before this class from another class I have previously taken. I also really enjoyed reading your second story about the shallow swimmIng fish, you used quite a bit of humor in that and it always grabs my attention to see some humor placed in these stories. You used the normal characters and gave it a twist at the end! Very nice. Thank you for sharing your portfolio with us throughout the semester. I genuinely enjoyed hearing from you and hope you have an amazing summer! Good luck in your future endeavors!
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan, good job on the stories. I really like layout of your site. I think the story links being on the side makes it very easily navigable. The readers don't have to scroll all the back to the top of the page to continue on with the story. Also I like the pictures you used. They compliment your story well while still keeping with the style theme of your website. One thing I'd change though would be the header picture on the last page. Its a duplicate of the page before so you might want to change that. Also I think you did a good job of relating the source story to your own. In your last story, I think it was a great idea to make the bull from Krishna's story into a dog. I think this makes the story relatable while still keeping true to the source. Good job and best of luck on the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Ryan! I'm from the Myth-Folklore class and came upon your site as the last project I'll be commenting on this semester, and I'm so glad I chose yours to read! Your site is beautifully set up, and the cover images for each story are fantastic. The different writing styles and settings you chose for each story show a lot of range, and I think you did well with each of them. The only criticism I have, which isn't the most relevant at this point, would be that your home page could use an intro of some sort asides from, "this is a portfolio project," even if just to explain the theme. Other than that, I think everything looks great, and your writing is clear and easy to understand. Overall, I think you've done a great job with this portfolio, and I hope that your finals go well this semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan! Ok, I have to admit, I stared at the picture at the top of the page for way too long. I may be a little hungry. I love the theme that connects your stories! Though I thought I was going to get some beautiful descriptions of delicious food (again, I could possibly be hungry), I loved how used this stories, some having less to do with hunger than others, and you made it work for your vision. I think the best thing you could do for your portfolio is to give some sort of introduction. Perhaps on the homepage, you could give as little as one sound or as long as you want. After reading your title and seeing your picture, i thought the theme would be different. I thought it was going to be people sitting around a table sharing their story. While this didn't hurt my reading of your stories, it's best to situate your reader as best as you can unless confusion is part of how you want the reader interpreting your stories. But absolutely great work! Enjoy your semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Ryan! I am so excited to get the chance to read your portfolio before the end of the semester. It was great to see that you have published four of your stories. I did not have enough time to get to my fourth story, so this was really refreshing to get to see a full portfolio. Starting with the layout, I found it hard to navigate to find the sidebar with the stories. So, I didn't find the layout to be that user-friendly, but you also added the links on the main page. I thought that was also a very good idea. "Stories from a shared table" was also a cute idea. Since they are more like folk tales, it is something that you would want to talk about over dinner easily. What gave you the idea for your stories? Did you have a certain preference? Overall, great job!
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